Here is a controversial topic and I expect to receive a lot of flak.
The topic: Child-free by choice.
I do not mean the online forum by that name, I actually mean, staying child-free by choice.
Question: How many of you think there is a good chance you'll never have kids because of choice? If you were given a choice not to have kids, would you consider it?
I request everyone of you to make some sort of a contribution – this topic has the potential for interesting discussion and debate, and i would love to see it fulfilled.
People who want to speak FOR having kids, please feel free, this is not a den of ultra-liberal "godless hellions" (thank you Stephen Colbert) waiting to devour you for your ideas. A good number of us are probably not so godless, most of us don't make decent hellions, and in fact, if everyone is like me, we are all perfectly undecided about most issues.
Also, for those of you who hesitate to speak FOR living child-free, only because you might actually end up having kid, and you don't want the things you've said now to stay on record - perfectly valid point. If you so wish, please post anonymous comments, no issues with that.
Importantly, there is absolutely no judgment here, so please feel free to speak you mind, while staying polite and objective. This is an entirely open discussion.
I do not want to start with my opinion, so as not to color the discussion before it even begins. I will say, however, that I am entirely ambivalent. Having grown up in a household of several kids, I adore children, and catch myself day-dreaming about having my own. That being said, I also adore my current freedom from crushing responsibility.
Opinions please!
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5 comments:
If you take the emotion out of it, it certainly seems a no-brainer.
The duration of the responsibility, and the sheer number of things that can be sources of problems should, at the least, provide food for thought.
And even if one is prepared to take it on, the question "What for?" looms large. For emotional kicks?
Karthic.
Men and women are like other living creatures, they bring children into the world with little or no thought about the matter and then they suffer and toil as best as they can to rear them.
Men and women think that it is necessary to have children. It is not. It is their animal nature and social custom, rather than reason, which makes them believe that this is a necessity.
I belive that the first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children and hence its best to Child Free
oooh, MPK, I do not know who you are, but some pretty strong sentiment there!! Do you think children actually RUIN our lives? They often have an uncanny knack for making a nuisance of themselves, but why would you feel so strongly about it? Do post more.
I think one of the first lessons we were ever taught is to follow the previous generation. Be it anything - from language to thinking patterns. To a great extent that is necessary for our social existence. If you think about it, creating a new generation is considered more of a social responsibility than an individual’s choice. At a macro level by creating a child one actually contributes to the larger species by preventing it from being extinct.
But looking at it from an individual’s point – I think most of us live by setting some meaningless milestones for ourselves. I would call it life patterns – many of which are just blindly inherited from our previous generations. We take it for granted and never think if it is actually required for the individual self. Again moment that life pattern is violated the society rates you as a failure. Hence we follow these life patterns to get acceptance in the larger society. This is true even in the case of marriage.
I remember this lady telling me that her life is empty without kids. She struggles to balance time between her job and daily chores. But the main motive for all what she does, always revolves around her kids. She never does what she actually wishes to do, for the fear of not giving enough time for her boys. And now it has reached a state where she does not have any other hobbies or interests in her life. When we were talking about this, one question was formulating in my mind. So finally what would happen to her when the kids go their way? I have seen that happening to my own my mother. She has spent all her life and energy around me. Now my circumstances force me to be away from her. The result – she feels lonely and gets into these emotional trips! But one thing is also true. If she had decided to live her life without a kid, I would not have existed to write this today ;-)
The thought of I having a kid is not exciting enough at least with my current mindset. May be if all what I said is true I bet my own opinion will change in future for sure. And who knows I may end up having more than one also
I would rather be diplomatic - I would decide it in a later stage in my life when I would be more mature and stable with my ability to decide.
By the way why should I be even discussing this – I am still to figure out if marriage is needed. Cant imagine thinking of a child even before being married :D! The society will butcher me off
Well, we've yapped on this one quite a bit and my stance still remains the same.
I totally beleive that having or not having a child should be a choice and NOT an eventuality of a marriage.
Unless the couple is emotionally, finacially and psychologically prepared for the child, "Don't even think about it!". Its not fair on them or the child.
This is practiced in all developed nations including Singapore. Its catching up in India with a lot of DINKS around. The choice of a not child, hence, is not as much as a taboo as it once was.
Bottomline: Have a child only coz you WANT to and not coz you HAVE to. Period.
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