Childfree by choice? post 3

Hi,

most reactions so far have been pro-childfree lifestyle, I was beginning to wonder if that was all we were going to get. Now that we have at least 2 comments favoring having children, I'd like to post my reactions as well. By the way, let us continue to bear in mind that this is an entirely subjective issue outside the purview of rights and wrongs – we are discussing the reasons we see in our own life for children, or not.

To begin with, I am beginning to wonder if we are becoming cynics. Could our attitudes in this matter be a reflection of our loss of hope for the future? Like Anush says, on what basis do we assume that our elders did not lead as full or even fuller lives that we do now? Could it be that children ensure that we stay interested in life, invested in the future, and are likely to be more mindful of world affairs, because we've bought into the future, and are interested in seeing the world continue to be a good place for our future generations?

One comment about the Taitreya Upanished is certainly a pointer in the same direction, but I cannot help but think about the fact that our elders have also preached breaking free from the bonds that we create for ourselves by investing in other human beings – in fact, some of India's most exalted thinkers have preached as well as practiced even utter renunciation from the ties of the family, thereby freeing oneself for larger social, if not spiritual causes.

Which brings me to the second thought – Anush, I should point out that none of the pro-childfree comments here state material reasons for their choice. Still, as Anush suggests, could it be an obsession with materialism that pushes us towards seeking a life where there is little or no demand on our time, energy, and mainly, our resources? I do know for a fact that my parents were much more willing to go without material luxuries for the sake of the family than I can claim to.

That being said, is wanting to be child-free automatically indicate materialist ambitions? While it does seem that it is a certain degree of selfishness (unwillingness to compromise on lifestyle, etc) that holds many of us back from having children, I am not sure that the attitude logically points to a selfish attitude and lifestyle. For one, my parents have a highly compassionate and charitable nature that sadly, could never be put to much use. Every time there is an opportunity to give of their limited resources or their time, their first and automatic concern has been as to how this would affect the time and resources that they have for their children. I wonder if, in fact, being invested in a family makes you relatively more selfish, from a social perspective.

A childfree couple has both more time and material resources to give to social causes – in fact, I've met childfree couples well into their middle age who are highly socially active. Wouldn't this also lead to a sense of purpose and fulfillment? Moreover, there can be little or no expectation of receiving anything in return when you volunteer your time and money for a social cause, whereas, when we give all that we have to a child, I am not sure how many of us have the maturity to not expect anything back, not even gratitude, or even general cause for pride.

Personally, while the prospect of a child somewhere in the future is indeed attractive at an emotional level, and while I am convinced that like everyone here, if I did have a child, i would love it to bits, I am only all-too aware of the reality that once I do have a child, I have no option but to be an ardent convert into religion of the enthusiastic parent, and that there is no backing out of a parenting situation, once one finds oneself in it. After all, if there is one thing that requires absolute and everlasting ideological commitment, childrearing has to be that thing. At least as of now, I am frankly intimidated by the finality of it.

For those of us who do not yet have children, this is the only chance we probably have to give it a fair thought – after having considered these issues, if we still find compelling reasons to have a child, I expect that will make the childrearing experience that much more rewarding.